A True Story: Active Listening

All Coincidences Are Coincidental

She is an immigrant. She speaks Ukrainian, Russian, English, and a little German. But in the city where she lives, people mostly speak French.

One day, she takes the bus. There is a man standing next to her—someone who, judging by his demeanour, has something to share with others. He needs to talk to someone, or so it seems.  Or perhaps it doesn’t even matter to him who the listeners are, as long as he needs to verbalise his thoughts?

He speaks French, like most of the city dwellers. He turns to her and begins to talk. Automatically, she nods—a reflex, an instinctive reaction, a kind of active listening. It is a popular psychological term nowadays, you have heard of it, haven’t you?

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For him, the nodding is encouraging enough. He feels reassured and keeps talking. His story becomes more vivid, colourful, full of details. Or so it seems.

Oh God. The longer he speaks the harder it becomes for her to tell him that she doesn’t understand a word of French! She keeps nodding—probably even in perfect rhythm—so much so that it seems to satisfy him completely. The fear that her silent deception will be exposed turns out to be unfounded. He shares his entire story—from beginning to end—and she keeps nodding along, without saying a single word. It seems he doesn’t even need an actual conversation, just an audience. It lasts about ten minutes. Yes, it is quite a long monologue.

Finally, her stop arrives. Of course, she knows how to say goodbye in French. “Au revoir, monsieur,” she pronounces these words flawlessly, without an accent. Then she gets off the bus and takes a deep breath.

Now she suddenly has an overwhelming urge to tell someone something herself.

…by the way, do you understand English?